Living in a toxic or boring marriage can be quite overwhelming, so ending it seems to be the only right choice you can make. But what to do if you want to terminate your marital status but are confused or afraid to ask for a divorce? In such a situation, you need to analyze the reasons behind your stumbling to initiate the marriage dissolution process and take the necessary actions to get rid of your doubts. In this post, we will share the most effective tips on how to tell spouse you want a divorce and not feel guilty about it.
Understand what holds you back from asking for a divorce
First of all, you need to comprehend your reasons for hesitating to announce that you want to break up with your husband or wife. Maybe, you are driven by the feeling of fear, the hope that things will change, or a thin bond between you and your partner. Maybe, you are just waiting for your personal life to improve by itself, but have you ever seen relationships being improved by avoiding talking about the problems and speaking out the true desires of each partner? So if you don’t know how to ask for a divorce, be sincere to yourself first, and the right words to tell your partner will come on their own.
Know your reasons why you want to get divorced
People split up due to different reasons ranging from psychological neglect to physical abuse, so it’s your time to understand what drives you to the point of packing your belongings and moving out from your partner. Do they insult you? Are they cruel to your kids? Do you suffer from economic or moral abuse? Are you hurt by their infidelity? List your reasons for the desire to dissolve your marriage and get ready to present them to your spouse.
Prepare to defend your will to split up
If your partner is comfortable in relationships with you, regardless of being an abuser or not, they might not agree once you state that you want to break up with them. Therefore, you have to be equipped with enough arguments to support your position and stand your ground with confidence. There is no need to explain your position and engage in long discussions: just demonstrate your will and be ready to put the details in your petition for marriage dissolution.
Find the ways to explain your break-up to your kids
If you are also a parent to minor kids, think about the ways you will explain your split-up with their dad or mom. Remember that you have to do it without demonizing the other parent unless they really harm your kids.
Don’t worry that your kids will not understand your desire to split up with the partner you are unhappy with: despite the young age, kids see your real emotions and mental state in these relationships. After all, they want to see their parents happy and calm at first, even if they are separated.
Equip yourself with knowledge before you start the talk on divorce
Educate yourself on basic divorce terms and local laws that work for marriage dissolution in your state and county. This needs to be done before you start any talks with your partner so that you could know how much time and money you’d need to start the process and support yourself until it’s over. Also, you may need to collect money for attorney’s fees if the case is complicated.
Consult with a family psychologist and a lawyer
To get even more control over the situation with your future divorce, get advice from a relationship or family therapist and a lawyer: they will tell you everything you need to know regarding psychological and legal aspects of the process, including how you can influence your partner to consent to divorce and how long does it take to get a divorce in Washington. They will work with you throughout the dissolution procedure to help you get through with less stress.
Choose an appropriate time when to ask for a divorce
As for the direct talk about your future divorce, choose the time that will be convenient for you and your partner. Don’t put up this issue if either of you had a bad day at work, is sick, or too tired. After all, you would want to reach a prior agreement regarding your marriage dissolution so that it can be an uncontested process with fewer expenditures and duration.
Be calm and confident
If you followed the previous tips, now you are entirely equipped mentally and intellectually to keep calm during your conversation with your partner. A family therapist or a relationship psychologist should have provided you with all tools to stay confident and emotionally stable regardless of the answer that you would receive from your partner. A lawyer or an attorney shared the most up-to-date divorce terms that you need to follow to get your marriage terminated, so feel free to express your desire to divorce your partner without worries.
Don’t get emotional due to your partner’s potential reaction
If some romantic feelings towards your partner have not faded away yet, you may feel tempted to react with emotions to your partner’s response to your divorce offer. Don’t rush. The decision to get your marriage dissolved should be made with a cold head, so if you are willing to divorce after a heated fight with your partner, this is probably not the thing you really want to realize. Therefore, wait for another week or two to be able to set your emotions aside from your reasons to dump your partner, and then start acting accordingly.
If you are married to an abuser and you believe that your life is in danger once you tell your partner you want to divorce, call the police or 911. Have your smartphone with you during the conversation with your partner, and if you notice that you cannot avoid confrontation during your talk, call the cops to protect yourself from your future ex’s aggression. If he is too hostile and armed, consider following the trick of calling 911 and ordering a pizza to report potential violence.