Respect each other, set boundaries and communicate honestly: This is how to have a healthy couple relationship. How do we put these rules into practice? Madeleine Gauffin, the Kasamba therapist, reveals the tips that have worked in practice.
There are many types of relationships. Some relationships work well for someone, while others are taboo. What makes a healthy couple relationship? What do therapists say about building and maintaining strong relationships?
Strong relationships have a lot to do with deep friendship. Respect, trust, empathy, and friendliness are all important. This is what creates a deeper connection beyond physical attraction.
Gauffin recommends these tools to build strong relationships.
1. Become best friends
A strong relationship is built on kindness, which is more important than intelligence, compatibility, and shared values. According to a Michigan State University study, this is the case. Couples on friendly terms can share the responsibility of caring for their children and household, and they also support one another when they feel stressed. Researchers analyzed data from over 2,500 couples who had been together for at least 20 years.
Results: Couples that reported higher levels of agreeableness (being kind and considerate), as well as lower levels of emotional instability (worrying a lot), we’re happier in their relationships and more ENFP.
2. Use the 5:1 formula
Many therapists use the 5:1 method to help them. This means that for every 5 negative interactions in a relationship, there should be at most 5 positive interactions. Negative interactions can include being critical, dismissive, or defiant. Positive interactions can include showing appreciation, love, affection, empathy, and understanding.
3. Talk in plain language to one another.
Gauffin says that if couples fail to communicate clearly, it can lead to conflict, misunderstandings, and resentment.
These 5 steps can help improve communication between couples.
- Talk to your partner if you have problems. You can avoid larger tensions by addressing the root causes of problems.
- Don’t point fingers: Instead of getting personal, talk about how their behavior affects your emotions. Instead of saying, “You’re so selfish that you never clean up,” you could say, “If you don’t clean up, it makes me upset and stressed.” “
- Talk about the things that matter to you. It is not good to start a conversation if your partner can do it in five minutes. Talk about the issues that concern you only when you have enough time, for example, after dinner or while on a walk.
- Make time for beautiful things. Take the time to explore new hobbies with your partner, have fun, and relax. You can set aside certain times to focus on one another and leave all other things aside.
- Communicate and set boundaries early in a relationship. Tell the other person how you want to be treated. You may have boundaries when it comes down to respect. These boundaries should be communicated clearly and unambiguously, not assumed to be obvious by the other.
4. Learn to disagree
Gauffin states that arguments are normal when you’re in a relationship. Arguments can be a great way for people to learn from one another. It is also a sign of trust and enough space in the relationship that it’s possible to move on. Your ability to manage conflict is also important.
These rules will teach you how to argue better:
- Even if your subject is emotional, communicate calmly. Relaxation techniques may help: remember to count to 10 or take a few deep breaths.
- Keeping on the topic: Don’t get mad at someone for something they did or said.
- Listen with your whole heart. Even if you find it difficult, try to understand the other side. People fight because they want their point to be heard first. It can be helpful to show empathy and listen, even if you don’t agree with each other’s points of view, to defuse an argument.
- It’s okay to have a good time and laugh at it. See the wild and funny sides of your situation. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be cynical!
5. Be is aware of your triggers.
What is it about your partner that drives you crazy? Gauffin says this could be a sign of a past conflict or problem that you are still trying to resolve.
Imagine that you are often angry at your ex-relationships and jealous of them. If this is the case, it’s best to address your negative feelings and root causes. You could end up repeating the same behaviors repeatedly, which can be detrimental to your relationship with others and anyone who is involved.
Gauffin says that jealousy is a sign of a person’s inability to be self-confident. Talking to a therapist is a good idea. This helps you recognize past issues that may have caused you to react differently during arguments. It is important to be open to working on your own problems for the relationship to grow.